Our Relationship With Money

Raise your hand if you had ‘THE TALK” with your parents. No, not that talk silly. I mean the talk about how to balance a checkbook or manage your checking and savings account and plan for the future. Let take a wild guess that there are not that many hands in the air.

So those of us that grow in the 1970s and the 1980s were more likely to have a lot of money talks with our dear parents as were the uncomfortable talk about the birds and the bees. I know for my parents, the idea of money wasn’t really on there radar. My grandparents never talk about money so my parents never did either.

Add to that, most of had grown up in a time when the economic future looked as bright as the sunshine. Up until recently, every generation had experienced more wealth than the generation before it. Well, it breaks my heart that it changing. There are a lot’s of theory prediction about what the future might be like for my own children and your children too but there is one thing for sure– our kids are going to need some money smarts to navigate them through their life and future.

So over the years, I had listened to adults older then and one thing that I have discovered was that the skills people needed to figure out their money issues have almost nothing to do with crunching number.

Instead, I have found that these couples really need to manage their money was stronger communication, more of ability to understand each other, and a commitment to putting their relationship above their budget.

This same is very true when it comes to helping your kids learn about money. I have heard this growing up and I used to say to my own children:

Allowence Day

My son/daughter is so irresponsible with money .”

” My child spends there allowance on the most unless stuff.”

” I’m sick of my kid’s always begging for toys every time we go to a store.”

” Our children expect us to spend a whole load of money on then during the holidays .”

“Wish our son needs to start saving money to help pay for college, but seem to be unable to do it .”

Parent like to talk to us about these issues because they want their kids to avoid most if not most of the money conflicts and the anxieties and mistakes they’ve dealt with. I know that I have a worry about my children money management skills because I didn’t want them to bounce a check or get into the trap of running up credit card debt and never having had a dime in saving the account. I hate to say it but for the most part, they are right

Our kids need us as there parents to teach them about money. The skills we need to manage our finances do not come naturally for most of us. So it very important that we as a parent make it our top priority to pass down money management skill. But there is another set of skill that is related to money that most parent never think about because most of us do not have those skills ourselves.

I mean every money problem, every money fight, every money conversation has two layers. The first layer involves the financial details – your budget, your saving account, your debt and retirement and college funds and phone bills and parking tickets, and so on. Those are a list of your finances and all the important stuff.

So the second, more is the foundational layer that we want to uncover in this ebook. I like to think of it as your money relationship – the how and why underneath those financial details. In my many years of raising children and struggling with my personal relationship money because I had believed in the deep-seated assumption and belief that you bring to the decisions, you make that involves money and that included every decision you make as a family involves money.

Let think about this for a minute. What kinda house are you living in? A money decision. What type of job do you have? Another money decision. What about the car you drive, the shoes you wear the coffee you drink are all money decision that you have made right.

So when there are kids involved, the money issues involved in those daily decisions become very clear. Are you having a baby if so are having a hospital birth or at home birth? Do you work or stay at home? Cloth or disposable diapers? Homemade baby food or store home? Public school or private school? Do you buy new clothes or ask for a hand-me-down? What about allowances, birthday gift, checkout -line goodies, another field trip fee, more new shoes, summer camp, broken school bag, of a growth spurt and on and it goes the list never ends.

Every year the US Department of agriculture puts together to report, in their report which includes everything from housing and food health care and school expenses, put the estimates of the cost of raising a child around $233.610 per child. Per year. I know you can buy a few houses for the money we are spending raising children.

All those money choice that we as a family are thinking about and dealing with money at least once a day if not more. It not just about the detail of these choices it more about the emotion and expectation behind the decision. Every parent has been in the case when your preschooler wants a $.25 cent for a gumball, but you’re not thinking about the quarter. You think about how many times your children have asked for something and whether you are raising a greedy little alien if you always say yes. You teenage need $80 dollars to pay for school trips. You six grade would like to take his allowance to buy the latest Xbox game. Although none of this choice will break the budget, all of them have implications for your relationship with your children.

The $80 dollars for your teenager to attend the school trip is not just a trip but a sign that you support your child interested, or is it a moment to hand then some financial responsibility to them. And the Xbox game is not just a game it is a chance to show your child that you trust there judgment, or to put the kibosh on a habit that has been getting out of hand or it the perfect chance to teach a lesson about delayed gratification.

So I leave you with the thought about delayed gratification for tonight so come back tomorrow to finish our talk about money relationship.

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1 thought on “Our Relationship With Money

  1. OMG, I’m so glad that my mom sat me down and showed me how to budget! I’m not the best with money, but there are many others that I’ve run into that have me grateful for at least the minimum basics of money management!

    Because I went to college after my military enlistment was done, I was just slightly older than many of my colleagues. There were a few times I would hear the young ladies complaining that they couldn’t go out to party because their parents would never send them enough! Really!? We even recommended participating in the work-study program (that many of us were doing ourselves) and one girl had the nerve to tell us in our CLASSROOM that she couldn’t work, and I quote, “because I’m taking classes!”

    At first I was angry at her comment, then it immediately turned to pity because as soon as she graduates, she is in for a rude awaking when it’s time to cover her own bills…


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