Good evening my follow millionaire buddies in training I am so proud of writing this post tonight .
Jessica is twelve years old and is at the start of adolescence. She is very moody, stubborn as an ox and completely unpredictable. They are days she wakes up her normal happy-go-lucky self and then two hours later she is an emotional train rack. Jessica has two younger siblings – eight-year-old brother and a six-year-old sister both of them seem to love to drive her crazy for more quickly than they used to.
Jessica’s parents have been considering having her do some light babysitting for them – a half hour watching her brother and sister while Mom runs an errand, maybe watching a movie with her siblings while Mom and Dad step out for a short dinner date, that kind of thing. They feel as though it would be a good way for Jessica to take on some new responsibilities and earn a little spending money in the process. We all know that mark- up is quite pricey now or days.
but with Jessica on this pre-puberty train ride, her parents are starting to reconsider. They aren’t sure they can trust her to be kind to her brother and sister, who are sure to test their sister limits to the fullest since they know exactly how easy it to get her to rile up. They’re not sure which Jessica will show up at a given moment – the easygoing, fun-loving Jessica or the high- strung, irritable Jessica.
So on top of the moody swing, Jessica is starting to flip out about money. She has been getting an allowance for a few years and has very little in her saving account. But as she has started to get a little older she is starting to ask for a little more spending money – $10 to go to a movie with her friends, a few more dollars to download a some from the iTunes, $10 here, $5 there. When her parent tries and talks to her about all the money she is spending, she goes into shut down mood and storms off into her room, yelling at them and accusing them of treating her like a baby.
Jessica’s parents are at a loss for how to untangle the cycles of emotional threads that are making up their days with a preteen. How much of what they deal with every day is your typical prepuberty hormone stuff and really how much is just Jessica? So as they start looking at the money decisions that are becoming increasingly part of their daily talk’s with there daughter, they start to wonder how much of the conflict and tension that they are dealing with is due to their various money personalities.
When talking about money personalities in Children we have to think about the knowledge with some interest in general ideas about the basic development issues kids face at each age and stage. The age of 5 through 12 is the age group that covers a huge range of development shifts and milestones. As every parent knows, a five- year- old is a very different human being than that of a twelve-year-old.
But there are some basic development principles that do apply to this whole ages range. For the most part, children in the age group are busy shaping their sense of themselves. They are learning about the thing they like and what thing they are good at, and think about how they feel about things.
They are starting to practicing a lot of the skills they will have in their teens and young-adult years- how to manage their emotions, how to navigate healthy relationships, how to be able to express their needs and wants appropriately. They are watching and gain little bits of freedom and independence and testing the waters.
Unlike a teenager that they will soon be in a few years, children at this stage aren’t really pushing back at their parents as they are testing the waters. Instead, they are testing themselves; they are wanting to know what they are capable of.
All of this information is going to help them with making money decisions. So for the children in this age group, money is like a brand new toy, It’s their ticket to freedom, to stuff, to have fun, the key to growing up. That’s why no matter what type of money personalities your daughter has you will discover that they have a lot of emotionally invested in the money decision at this stage. It can be very challenging to have a calm, rational talk about money with your five-year-old to twelve-year-old.
At the same time, because children in this age group have such an emotional connection to money, that they are ripe like a fresh strawberry for learning from you. This is the best time to build a truly solid foundation for making good financial decisions that make the most of the strengths in your child money personalities and help them minimize some of the potential challenges those money personalities present.
Looking back at Jessica’s family from the beginning of this chapter, it’s clear that part of what’s was happening with Jessica developmental. She on the puberty train a phase that’s no picnic for anyone in the family. So her emotions so intense that it like they are running on Redbull and she frustrated easy.
Jessica is also at that age where she wants her parents to see her as someone who is growing up. She would like to be treated like a mature, smart, responsible young woman, even though she and her parent know that it a work in process and she not as mature as she likes to be. But what Jessica is learning is that a lot of her irritation towards her parents is the tension she is feeling at living with one foot in childhood and one just about to fly into her teen years.
Along with her tension, she is a burgeoning Spender/Risktaker. For the first time, she is feeling the pressure of spending money all by her self, and she is really happy about it. She is starting to go place without her parents and has had a little taste of how great it feels to make her own money choice. The last thing she does not want is her parents clumping down on this newfound freedom.
What Jessica needs most right now is from her parents is patience and lots of understanding. If they are expecting her to make a lot of rational decision about money, they’re going to be just as frustrated. And if Jessica expects her parents to let her do whatever she wants, she’s going to be frustrated. But there is plenty of middle ground here for Jessica and her parents to work with as they try to find ways for all of them to get what they really need right now.
In the next few paragraphs, we are going to be talking about showing specific ideas for talking about challenges like these with your kids. But first thing first, there are a handful of basic developmental themes to keep in mind as you work through the most common money conflicts with your child.
They Want to Be Good at Thing
Many children in this age group discover their abilities and interests, they are developing in a fundamental set to beliefs about who they are. This is a good age when kids love the idea of master new skills. Ever notice how children in this age group are full of endless about topics like amine, or the latest fashion. Children at this also surprisingly are competitive and hard on them themselves For the first time in their lives, they have some coordinated, their body finally does pretty much what they want them to do – run without tripping when catching a ball, juggling, dance and they expect to be good at everything right away. They are hoping to become little perfectionists who beat themselves up when they aren’t the best at things or when they discover they don’t have a skill they hope to have.
The need to desired to master skills into their sense of self. When your daughter decides she is good at sports, or at math, or at texting all her friends. She is also learning if she likes meeting new people or hates talking in front of people. And she is learning if she is funny, or that she can boss her siblings around.
It these little discoveries weave together into her ideas about who she is going to be and what she is capable of.
All this information to how the children deal with and think about money at there ages. As they do with everything else, five-to-twelve- years- olds are trying to find out if they are good at making money, good at saving money, good at spending money.
The trickiest part is that their version of “capable and smart” are way more different then what we as parents think capable and smart is. The most important is your daughter is able to see you see her as someone who is capable of making good money choice even if she’s not doing things exactly the way you think she should. The worst thing a parent should do is take complete control of your daughter limited financial freedom is to belittle their attempts to exercise some independence. When you as the parent take over, you send the message to your children they aren’t capable, that they do not have the right skills. And for children at this stage of developmental stage, that’s a deeply hurtful message.
You need to remember that they want to be great at everything, including making choice with money. They are looking to impress you and have you think they are smart and clever and doing a very fantastic at it, So look you think they are smart and clever and frantic. So looking for a way to praise their effort and help them learn from their mistake and start over next time. A little patience on your end will go a long way toward building trust between you and child.
My daughter is a Concrete Thinker
This always a challenge for a lot of parents. We are awesome at abstract ideas, and thinking about the future, and thinking about the after effect of this. In fact, they really are not able to do these things yet until they hit puberty. That’s when their brain starts to manage the abstract ideas and make sense of a cause and effect.
This inability to think abstractly is a big part of why a lot of children in this age area make what we as parents think are shortened choices they have not learned to think about the consequences or the ability to imagine a future for more a rewarding than what it is now. Never think of it as a character flaw in a child, it just how they are wired.
That’s why having money conversations with our children in this age group need to be as concrete as possible. It very fine to talk about saving money and spending wisely, but you need to give them a reason for doing it saving for a rainy day does nothing for a 10 year. But having them save for something they really want like a new bike, a new video game or out to eat, means a lot more to them.
What there Morphing
So matter what the challenges you are experiencing as you talk with your children about money, always keep in mind that they are not yet done developing, not even by a long shot. You still have plenty of time to identify challenges that might come with their Money personalities and help them find ways to be more balanced in their money decisions. If your child is careless with her money right now, start working up simple ways to keep track of it. If she is stingy, help him find opportunities to give to others. But be prepared to have the conversations discussed in this section more than once – as your daughter grows and changes, the challenges she faces when it comes to money will change too.
Your daughter is developing a personality is exactly what makes this such a great time to start building money skills. You daughter can practice good habits now, without suffering much from her money mistakes. You’ll want to pull your hair out when she decided to run up the phone bill because she feels the need to text all her friends. As parents we get so we need to find the way to get over there frustration and you listen to her reason as to why she has a need to text her friends and why she thought it was a good idea, by doing this you will discover more about the way your child thinks. With this information in hand can guide you as you help to learn how to make a better decision about money.